What Have Dogs Got to Do with Stress Awareness Month?
According to this mental health writer two years ago, quite a lot!
I wrote this blog post back in February 2022, when my darling Peggy Mitchell was 14 weeks old (she’s cute, right?). And it was actually written in relation to Boost Your Self Esteem month, but as we all know, mental health is one great, big family tree with branches like self-esteem, stress, anxiety and more. So, I think the sentiment still stands this April, which is Stress Awareness Month 2024.
Peggy Mitchell aged 3 months
Pupdate
We recently got a puppy. Her name is Peggy. She’s a yellow Labrador and we are utterly in love with her.
Ever since getting Peggy, my eyes have been opened to how behaviour works. The human brain is a complex thing, but I think we can raise our own self esteem with some simple behaviour training.
We can do this by holding a mirror up to ourselves as we try to train our pets (and kids… and husbands, ha ha).
So, what tips can we borrow from training our little wet-nosed friends?
1. Do something enough times and it will feel normal
Treats and rewards are still essential to getting Peggy to do what I want. But one day, those things will happen without the treats (hopefully!). Even now, her bum is halfway to hitting the floor by the time I say the ’s’ in ‘sit’ and reach into my pocket for a tasty bit of kibble.
As humans, if we go through the motions, eventually things become second nature. Getting out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off, going for a walk every day, raising our freelance prices regularly. All things we can put off. All so much easier if done routinely. When we are fair to ourselves through daily habits, our self-esteem rockets.
2. Something not working? Do something else
There’s a time for everything. If Peggy is too lively, or needs a wee, or is experiencing an exciting new park for the first time, chances are she might not be as keen to give me her paw as when we’re in the kitchen. I might still try it, but if it doesn’t work I’ll make sure to do something easier for now – to make sure she gets a different win. That way she’ll earn the treat she loves and be more likely to want to repeat good behaviour again.
Imagine you’re sitting at your computer screen and no words are coming to you. If you don’t allow yourself to get up until you’ve done 1000 words, will that help? God, no. Get up and go for a walk. Put the washing out. Play with the dog. A change is definitely as good as a rest. If not, better.
3. Go easy on yourself and progress will still happen
This is a biggy. I’m terrible for not giving myself the benefit of the doubt for long. Even with Peggy, who is an actual baby, aged 14 weeks, I feel like I’m being a rubbish trainer when she chooses to chase leaves, rather than listen to me.
Things take time. Progress never goes in a straight line – but it also rarely ever goes backwards. Be kind, go through the motions, and eventually it will get better. Whether you’re trying to train a 14 week old puppy or learn to be a successful freelancer, remember: you’re always learning! Self esteem can only come with kindness to yourself.
4. Kid yourself into a good mood
There are mornings when I’m very grumpy. My office hours for grump activity are between 6-10am Monday to Friday. But Peggy gets up at 6am. And if I’m not sufficiently enthusiastic, positive or encouraging, she can see straight through me. She gets bored. She walks away to see what the cat’s up to (usually being grumpy too). She sniffs around on the floor for a treat she might have missed yesterday.
So I have to swallow my pride and fake a happy face. Then I fake a happy voice. Then I pretend it’s not actually dark and raining outside. For the first few moments, I feel very silly but, wow, it works. Peggy responds and, funnily enough, I feel better too. Self esteem grows. Huh!
Peggy was the first of her littler to leave the whelping box
5. Kid yourself into confidence
When we got Peggy, my husband went away for a whole weekend to a music festival we’d already committed to. I said he should still go. I genuinely didn’t mind, but it was NOT an easy weekend. I cried. I watched a lot of Downton Abbey between Peggy sessions. And then cried again.
Then on the Sunday I decided I had to pretend to be confident. Otherwise I’d be in limbo forever. The result? Peggy listened to me more. I listened to her more. We bonded. A corner was turned. My self esteem rocketed.
6. Deal with stuff now and don’t worry about it again/ till next time
People with low self esteem are prone to procrastination. They want to wait until they know they can do something well. No, do it PERFECTLY. With a puppy, there’s no time to delay. If I think she’s going to poo on the living room floor, I can’t wait till later to intervene. If my favourite pair of slippers look destined for extinction, I don’t want to wait to see just how determined those little needle teeth are.
Now is the time to act.
Once you’ve dealt with something, you pretty soon forget about it. And the sooner you’ve done that, the better. You give yourself headspace for positive things. Like a glass of wine in front of Downton Abbey.
Peggy Mitchell aged 2 years and 5 months
A 2024 pupdate
You’ll be pleased to hear that, since writing the above blog post two years ago, there are infinitely fewer tears, no pooing on the carpet and minimal leaf chasing. There is still a fair amount of fake it till you make it, and loads of relying on habit rather than motivation (but doesn’t that apply to everything in life anyway?).
Peggy is a wonderful addition to our household and I can honestly say that without her our lives would be a lot more boring and have a little hole in it where she should be.
Mental Health Matters
This Stress Awareness Month, it’s important to take a few tips from our furry friends:
Live in the moment
Let your brain learn without unnecessary narrative
And when you just want to play with your favourite ball, then that’s what you should do